Spammer-Speak Cliche Bingo How to play: ============ When reading NANAE, keep an eye out for articles by spammers, spam supporters and trolls. (You may have to disable your killfile first.) Whenever one of these refers to one of the cliches below, put a mark in front of it. When you have a full card, you have a bingo! This doesn't serve any useful purpose, but it's fun. :-) Cliche Square Index (CSI): ========================== Another use for this card is to rate the "cliche-ness" of a message. The cliche index is the number of cliches used in the message squared, divided by the number of words in the message, multiplied by 10. So a 50-word message with 5 cliches in it would have a CSI of 5 * 5 / 50 * 10 = 5.0 1. Standard Stupid Spammer Statements ===================================== [ ] Get A Life [ ] Net Nazi [ ] The American Way [ ] Double Opt-In [ ] Anti-Commerce [ ] God-Given Right [ ] NANAE Group-Think [ ] Sherman Anti-Trust [ ] Global Opt-Out [ ] Just Hit Delete [ ] (N.B.) Unix Asshole [ ] Internet Terrorist [ ] Frea Speach [ ] Save The Trees [ ] Anal Retentive [ ] Ethical Business [ ] Federally Recognized Backbone / ISPs are Common Carriers (yeah, right) 2. Lame Cliche Excuses for Spamming =================================== [ ] It's Not Illegal [ ] Legitimate Business [ ] Hacker-X Did It! [ ] This Is Not Spam! [ ] Bill S. 1618 (Murk) [ ] "We bought an Opt-In List." [ ] "Most people do not mind spam." [ ] "You posted to my FFA page." [ ] "You signed up for a porn site." [ ] "You subscribed just to complain." [ ] "We comply with the CAN-SPAM act!" [ ] "Most people have cable or ADSL anyway." [ ] "We honor all opt-outs, really we do!" [ ] "Spam is just like postal junk mail." [ ] "Hey now, it's not like we're spamming porn, is it?" [ ] "I'm just trying to put food on the table for my children." [ ] "It's from an affiliate, and we have no control over them." (Burke) [ ] "Your address was included by mistake." [ ] "Hey, I'm paying for my dial-up line!" [ ] "We chatted on IRC last week and you asked for this URL." [ ] "It's not a pyramid scheme if you provide a product or service." [ ] "We don't want to send email to those who don't want it." [ ] "The complaints are from people who forgot that they opted in." [ ] "The former owner of our IP block was a spammer." [ ] "This is the first complaint we got." 3. Predefined Spammer Beliefs ============================= [ ] The Internet Cabal [ ] The Lumber Cartel [ ] Secret Organization [ ] "SPEWS is worse than the spammers!" [ ] "The lurkers support me in email!" [ ] "Antispammers are the real net abusers!" [ ] "Blocklists are a conspiracy of the 'Big ISPs'." [ ] "You're not fighting spam, you want to control The Internet!" [ ] "You're just jealous because we make so much more money than you..." 4. At Hominem Attacks ===================== [ ] "<female antispammer> is a whore!" [ ] "<male antispammer> is gay!" 5. Moronic Spelling & Layout ============================ [ ] ALL CAPS [ ] l33t $p3ll1ng [ ] NoParagraphBreaks [ ] no capitals at all [ ] No Punctuation [ ] Excessive Bangs!!!!! [ ] gnitsoP poT [ ] Incorrect Apostrophe's... [ ] Missing > before quoted message 6. Additional Random Spammer Stupidity ====================================== [ ] Cart00ney Summoned [ ] Bogus Analogy Used [ ] Godwin's Law Invoked [ ] Tried Listwashing [ ] Anonymous-remailer-using coward [ ] Violating Hormel's trademark [ ] Accusing an antispammer of being a notorious spammer [ ] Accusing several antispammers of being the same person [ ] Making an impending prosecution or prison sentence more likely by acting in a really stupid way. (aka "puttin' on the Riz") [ ] "<well-known antispammer> is a spammer, just look at these lies we fabricated about him/her! Why don't you go after him/her and leave me alone so I can go back to my spamming, erm, e-marketing?" [ ] "I hate spam as much as The Next Guy."