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The Rules of Spam

As determined by the inhabitants of NANAE

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• Rule #0: Spam is theft.
  • Angel's Commentary: Spammers believe it's okay to steal a little bit from each person on the Internet at once.
• Rule #1: Spammers lie.
  • Russell's Admonition: Always assume that there is a measurable chance that the entity you are dealing with is a spammer.
  • Lexical Contradiction: Spammers will redefine any term in order to disguise their abuse of Internet resources.
    • Sharp's Corollary: Spammers attempt to re-define "spamming" as that which they do not do.
    • Finnell's Corollary: Spammers define "remove" as "validate."
• Rule #2: If a spammer seems to be telling the truth, see Rule #1.
  • Crissman's Corollary: A spammer, when caught, blames his victims.
  • Moore's Corollary: Spammer's lies are seldom questioned by mainstream media.
• Rule #3: Spammers are stupid.
  • Krueger's Corollary: Spammer lies are really stupid.
    • Pickett's Commentary: Spammer lies are boring.
  • Russell's Corollary: Never underestimate the stupidity of spammers.
  • Spinosa's Corollary: Spammers assume everybody is more stupid than themselves.
  • Spammer's Standard of Discourse: Threats and intimidation trump facts and logic.
  • Rizler Syndrome: Under threat of jail time, a spammer's stupidity tends to expand exponentially until jail time is assured.

    Proposed 2006-09-21:

  • Sulu's Summation of Rule #3: Quaestor is probably correct in assuming it is the cube of the square root of negative infinity that is a spammers IQ, thus the spammers IQ is a negative irrational imaginary number.
  • Rule Keeper's Note: Trying to quantify the Stupidity of Spammers is absurd.
• Rule #4: The natural course of a spamming business is to go bankrupt.

Rules-Keeper Shaffer's Refrain:

Spammers routinely prove the Rules of Spam are valid.

It has been noted that the Rules of Spam are equally applicable to spam-supporters, spam-tolerant ISPs, and various others who directly or indirectly profit from spam.

The Rules also apply to those people (such as candidates for political office, solicitors for "worthy" causes, propagators of religious faiths, etc.) who deem their message to be of such overwhelming importance that it utterly transcends the rights of others to have the sole and uninhibited enjoyment of their personal property.

The Rules-Keeper

The Rules of Spam are the result of a very rare thing on NANAE; a cooperative effort. Do not contact the site owner about corrections or additions, propose them on NANAE instead. Your message will then be ignored, laughed at, ripped to shreds or anything else, depending on the moods of the NANAE cats. It might even result in the Rules-Keeper calling a vote, and if you're lucky some people will vote in your favor.